How Do You Juggle Three Full Time Jobs?

I've finally made the decision that I've been agonizing over ever since I gave birth. I've finally decided to resign from work to take care of my baby and work from home.

This wasn't an easy decision for me to make. When I was pregnant, I always assumed I'd go back to work. I enjoy the mental stimulation, the camaraderie, and the challenges I get from my job. But circumstances have forced me to consider the possibility of working from home. I'm lucky I have the skills that allow me to have a home-based job. I realize that just because I'll be working from home doesn't mean it'll be easier. In some ways, working at home will be harder than having an office job.

Working at home means I'll have to find ways to manage my time so I can take care of my baby and honor my commitments as well. A home-based job doesn't mean I can work anytime I want. I have to follow their schedule. And if I want to get any work done, I know I'll have to impose a schedule on my daughter as well. And working at home means I'll be working harder than I ever have before. When I was working in an office, for 9-12 hours, I was an office worker. Once I left the office, I can left all that behind and was able to focus on my husband and myself. But now, I'll be a writer and a mommy at the same time. And when my husband gets home from work, I have to be writer, mother and wife.

I've been trying this part-time and it's exhausting. I'm still struggling on how to balance these three roles I play in my life. But I have to make this work. I want to raise my daughter and I want her to see me as main source of love. I don't want her running to her yaya when she hurts her knee. I want her to run to me. I want to reassure her that I want to stay with her. And I like the idea of waking up late, not having to dress up and put on make-up, and not having to stay late at work.

It's a good thing my husband supports me, as much as he could anyway. My family supports my decision. I just hope my boss would do the same once I see her on Monday. Wish me luck!

Introduction to Mommyhood

The path to mommyhood was not easy for me. It still isn't easy. The turns are sudden and the path is rocky. And the scary thing about this is I don't know how to drive.

When I stopped taking the pill, my OB-GYN told me it would take at least 6 months to get pregnant. A year, tops. So I stopped taking my pills around March last year. I had plans to join a fun run in October. I was about to give blood in April. Then on a whim, I decided to take a pregnancy test the day before I had to give blood. I didn't think much about it. I was so used to a negative result that after I took the test, I immediately took a bath and didn't wait for my results to show. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw the positive result. It turns out I was already five weeks pregnant.

I'm normally a very healthy person. I eat right, exercise, I don't smoke and I rarely drink; mainly because I don't like being sick. When I was pregnant, I got sick every month with colds, cough and gastroenteritis. And on my last prenatal check-up, my doctor told me I needed to have an emergency C-section because of my pre-eclampsia. I had the operation that same day.

Yes, I'm venting. No, I don't have post-partum depression. I'm just saying that motherhood is hard. It's really hard. Recovering from a C-section is hard. Taking care of a colicky baby is hard. Having a temperamental husband who demands more attention than the baby is really hard. And though I'm going through this with support from family and friends, the bad days still outnumbered the good.

Then, just yesterday, I was talking to my baby and she smiled at me. She smiled. She smiled at what I said. She knows I'm her Mama. She wanted me to hold her and rock her to sleep. And while her grandparents were passing her around, she kept looking at me and eventually raised her arms to reach me. My baby wanted ME.

I'm still saying that being a mother is hard and I'm still going to complain. But I realize now that it's true what they say, that you can't imagine life before having a child. I can't imagine what life was like before her smile. Never in my life have I felt so wanted and so loved.